Halloween Tips

Update: OK I'm feeling better, had a long talk with my mom last night, so I don't feel AS guilty. I'm still grounded, but if this is the biggest drama in my life... I guess I'm lucky. I'm trying to be optimistic. As for my "friends"... well... yeah I 'm still pissed at them. Anywho...

Here's A Few Halloween Tips

(for those of you that aren't grounded, for having a minor car accident with a pole)

1. If you knock on a door, and this man answers... DO NOT say Trick or Treat... Trust me, you will want neither.

2. GIRLS ONLY:If you are home alone, on Halloween night, your phone line is dead, your power just went out, and you hear a loud noise in the basement; before you goto investigate the noise please DON'T FORGET to change into your most revealing negligee (or just a bath towel wrapped around you) This is the customary outfit for this situation.

3. If you happen to come across the REAL devil tonight, please...please DO NOT ask him if he really wears Prada. This can result in unfavorable consequences.

4. If ANYONE runs into Robert Pattinson dressed full on looking like Edward Cullen please be give him my blog address...http://xcruz-controlx.blogspot.com/. Thank you.

HAVE A GREAT HALLOWEEN!

Cruz

Genius! Right Here!

This isn't my usual funny post... this is my life...so i'm venting post.

Last night me, Matt (from the other post), and another friend of ours went to go get something to eat. Even though I was driving, I got out-voted (I wanted Chick-fil-a and they wanted Church's chicken) So we get to the drive thru and then idk how it happened...but I guess I might have, maybe, misjudged the distance as I turned the corner I scraped my back door on a yellow pole! You know those yellow ones that are about a foot in diameter and about 3 or 4 feet tall, yeah I hit one of those. Ok so I hear it, naturally I stop the car and ask "WTF was that?" as if I didn't already know. So no one answers me, of course not we all know what happened. So I get out of line, we hadn't ordered yet, and I pull over to the curb. We get out and there on the driver's side back door are not 1 but 2 dents (one's deeper than the other) and I have no idea why there's 2 I only touched the pole once, maybe car doors dent weird, idk this is my first time causing damage to a car, and all over the dents an area of about 2 ft by 1 ft is scraped all up, yellow paint(pole) on white(car) and gray(where all the paint just came off).

So here comes the GENIUS part... my first instinct is to get back into my car, take some napkins out of the glove box, wet them someone's bottled water (idk who's) and I start scrubbing the dented and scraped area! I KNOW... I'M A FREAKIN' GENIUS!!! I have noooo idea why this is my first reaction... and you might have guessed by now, nothing happened to the dent besides get some dirt off. The dirt on the napkin just reminded me that my mom had told me to wash the car like monday, and I forgot. So by now I feel like crap. Matt gets off the curb where he was sitting... and I'm thing he's a guy (guys know cars) he's older (18) so he's wiser... he'll know what to do ... he'll take control of the situation. My other friend just has her arm around me telling me everything's going to be ok, which is so not what I want to hear, and Matt walks past us into the Church's. I thinking he's going to get me some help or something. He comes out 5 minutes later WITH FOOD! HE WENT TO GET FOOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM! So I go off. WTF are you doing? You're suppose to help me? how can you think of chicken right now? you're a *bleeped bleep bleep* you get the idea. He just smiles but I could tell he was laughing (maybe not outloud).

Whatever... so FFWD an hour when I get home. I tell my mom and we got outside to look at her car (OH! did I mention that part this was HER CAR) She wasn't mad, she had this sad disappointed look.... not the disappointed look, I'd rather her be mad. Oh but my dad sure was. And it hurt that much more because I'm a real daddy's girl. So needless to say I'm grounded on HALLOWEEN WEEKEND! actually for several more weekends, too. But this had the parties I wanted to goto. Me and my friends were going as the Spice Girls (Yes the lame 90's version... we thought it was funny) anyway I was Posh (the vintage brunette version not the blond now version) anyway now they're REPLACING ME!! I think my dad couldn't wait for the chance to tell me I couldn't go out this weekend, he didn't like my outfit.

So here's the breakdown... I have no access to a car, my mother's disappointed in me, my dad's mad at me, I can't goto any Halloween parties, Matt's probably laughing at me (at this very moment), my "friends" are replacing me, I have no boyfriend to comfort me, and on top of everything else this morning at breakfast my lil brothers were making fun of me, the 9yr stands really still (he's the pole) and the 12yr old pretended to be driving and crashes into "the pole" at full force complete with sound effects! GRRR Brothers! So not funny, and usually I'd kill them but I have no energy left to make a drama of it. I need a vacation... or comfort food... Aurora, did you ever make those ice cream brownies? Storm do have any cookie dough left?

So totally bummed,

Cruz

Potty Time!!

These were just funny, pointless, and some were just well... wrong on so many levels....

Cruz

Responses & Important Notice

Cory: *Cruz frisbees pancakes at your head* I have come to the conclusion that you don't actually READ my posts. You just come here to threaten my life with muffins, poke me with vegetables, and steal my sweets! So I thought if I included you in a post you might actually read it. These are virtual pancakes so I won't run out. And don't make me break out the syrup bottle.

Firenze: Thanks now I entiendo.

Chocolatelover: OK I'm confused, you don't cuss "AT ALL" but I've seen you comment (on other's blogs) saying pissed or crap, etc. So I was wondering what was the standard you go by. I mean crap is obviously ok, but am I assuming sh** isn't because it's a stronger word? like darn would be ok but damn wouldn't, or would damn be ok as long as God wasn't in front of it. I'm not patronizing you , I'm sincerely curious. I didn't even notice the cuss words, I guess I'm kinda immune to them; I just copied and pasted from my e-mail. SFA Lumberjacks are the mascot for the school my sister goes to....they call their girl's athletic teams "Ladyjacks".... it always makes me think of pancakes (hence the cory comment).

Storm: Bubble pool party! YAY! Would you actually make a soap bomb, or would it just be a note? I think that would be the difference between prison and the looney bin. Oh just to clarify. Storm has not actually gone to jail , that would be ridiculous! Jail is on a local and county level, Storm's been to prison, that's on a state and federal level. Storm stop confusing people! Either way (prison/hospital) I'd offer to go visit you, but you'd probably use your new power to portal out anyway. So ......YES.... Soap Bomb! You can set it off at the end of the Bubble Pool Party!

Griffinrider: Hey I like you're last post (on recycling), and there's this blog I like (it's not mine, but I like it anyway) links on side. And you know I'm still waiting for a tea party to happen at your blog.

Sam C: Soooo happy for you two. Soooo jealous, too. I want a boyfriend (not yours, my own). My last date was like 3 weeks ago and the guy kept asking me if I was "okay" like repeatedly, ALL night long, so lame. I was very tempted to ask him if he was OCD, but I didn't. I'll be single forever! But happy for you and Hotshot. I always call your (officially now) BOYFRIEND a different name (Hotshot, Iggy, Cutie) or sometimes all 3 because... well... it amuses me. I know from your posts you usually call him Iggy, do you have a new lovey-dovey nickname for him now?

IMPORTANT NOTICE!

This notice is in regards to the Anonymous Person spamming blogs with useless information. This has NOT happened here at CruzControl, but has at other blogs that sometimes interact with this one. We have taken necessary steps to avoid this problem. After an investigation, we have concluded that this Anonymous person is in fact a "Useless Knowledge" gadget come to life, this gadget has amazingly enough has materialized itself into a real person. We DO NOT know if this a glitch in the system or if this is the new upgraded 6.0 version of the gadget. We have removed the useless knowledge gadget as a precaution, and at the risk of the other gadgets coming to life: we have replaced the photos on side bar with more pleasant one (the links are still the same). We here at CruzControl's Blog primary concern is the safety of our visitors. There is no need for alarm, these are only precautions. If anyone witnesses any other annoying gadgets come to life please notify a member of management in the comments section.

Thank You for Your Time
Management for CruzControl's Blog


Seriously, whoever you are, I get enough useless knowledge at school. Which reminds me the bell's gonna ring soon.

Later guyz, Cruz

Rub-A-Dub-Dub (Aww..No fun in the tub)

My sister sent me this. I know it's long but you have to read it ALL! I feel so bad for this Berman guy.

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times!

Hotel letters are in black. Customer(Berman) is in blue.

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,S. Berman

Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid,Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine CarmenHousekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. KensedderAssistant Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine CarmenHousekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:
On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, - 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman

He had soooo much patience with these people. I wouldn't have been so nice, I don't know what I would have done, but something. 54 bars of soap!!Seriously! Thanks Sis, GO LUMBERJACKS!!

Cruz

Well...DUH! (so funny!)

I gave my friend Matt those pkgs of peanuts from the plane (that counts as a souvenir, Right?), anyway he noticed something... on the bottom of the package of peanuts it said

"Produced in a facility that processes peanuts and other nuts"

Well...DUH! So I decided to look for more stupid packaging/instructions online and these are the funniest I could find.

Product Instructions from Product Comments

• On a Sears hair dryer:Do not use while sleeping.(but that's the only time I have to fix my hair!)
• On a bar of Dial soap:Use like regular soap.(and that would be how exactly?)
• On some Swann frozen dinners:Serving suggestion: Defrost.(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
• On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:Product will be hot after heating.(You know someone got paid big bucks for that one)
• On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body.(But wouldn't that save more time?)
• On a container of Salt:High in Sodium.(News Flash Everybody)
• On a blanket from Taiwan:Not to be used as protection from Tornado.(How about earthquake? tsunami? other natural disasters? This is necessary information)
• On a stroller (child's push chair):Remove child before folding.(I guess... if I have to)
• On a pkg of Condoms:Do Not Drive whilst using this product.(NO COMMENT)
• On a heated curling iron:Do Not use to curl eyelashes, may cause serious eye injury.(it "may", it may not they're not sure)
• On microwave oven:Do Not use to dry pets.(My dog wouldn't fit)
• On a TV remote control:Not Dishwasher safe.(How do they know, did they test this theory?)
• On a Blowtorch:Not be used for drying hair.(That's ok i'm using the Sears one in my sleep)
• On a bottle of hair-dye:Do NOt use as an ice cream topping.(You can't tell me what to do!)
• On a mattress:Do not swallow.(how the ****?)
• On a toaster:Do not use under water.(Yeah nobody likes soggy toast... or to you know die a painful death of electrocution)
• On Boot's Children's cough medicine:Do not drive car or operate machinery.(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those bull dozers.)
• On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.(I'm taking this because...)
• On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning: keep out of children.(Helpful, I'll keep that in mind)
• On a string of Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.(So.. no outer space? or underground?)
• On a food processor:Not to be used for the other use.(Now I'm curious other use...any ideas anyone?...Storm maybe?)
• On a Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
• On same Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with genitals.(WTF! Is there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

LOL That was fun.

Cruz

PS This week's GO GREEN tips are up. Check them out.

PPS If Pro is the opposite of Con; then is Progress the opposite of Congress? Hmmm...

Psychiatric Hotline

(You will only understand this if ur familiar with mental illnesses)

*RING-RING*

Hello and welcome to the psychiatric Hotline

• 
  
  if you are obsessive-compulsive please press 1 repeatedly


• 
  
  if you are co-dependent please ask some one to press 2 for you


• 
  
  if you have multiple personalities please press 3,4,5 and 6


• 
  
  if you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are, we know what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call


• 
  
  if you are schizophrenic, listen carefully for the liitle voice to tell you what number to press


• 
  
  if you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press. No one will answer


• 
  
  if you are anxious, please start pressing numbers at random


• 
  
  if you are phobic, please do not press anything


• 
  
  if you are anal-retentive, please hold

Thank you for calling the psychiatric hotline.

PS Griffinrider said... Men are stupid. Women are evil. and that seems to be working out so that's ok. Classic! Even better than my ideas.

PSS I'm starting GO GREEN Tips on the side bar (updated weekly/bi-weekly haven't decided). Check it out.

Females vs. Males

This happened last year, but I was thinking about it today. Me and my family were on our way to bbq at my dad's friends house. We were in a hurry so I decided to do my make-up in the car. No Big. Right? Wrong. I pull out my eyelash curler and my youngest bro asks "what the heck is that?" "an eyelash curler." " You put that on your eye? Gross. Does it hurt?" I thought since he was curious, I'd explain so I leaned over with the curler in my hand facing him. He leans away from me. I laugh and I scoot closer to him, so he scoots away, by this time I'm laughing and he's pressed against the door. So I start to explain and I open and close it and he's just waves his hands up and says " Just get away from me with that thing" It was so funny, I guess you had to be there.

So it got me thinking about the differences between boys and girls, besides the obvious fear of eyelash curlers.

F is female M is male

(Duh! I know, but some people are a special kind of stupid so just in case)

Difference in Vocabulary

Thingy F- any part under the hood of a car M- any part of a bra (strap, fastener, etc)

Vulnerable F- to open up emotionally M- playing football without a helmet

Butt F- a body part that all clothes make "look big" M- used for slapping when someone scores a touchdown, homerun, or goal; also used for mooning

Farting F- embarrassing product of digestion M- endless source of entertainment

Difference in Life

You goto a party and first thing you see is someone wearing your exact same outfit F- get embarrassed turn around and leave M- think it's funny and point out to EVERYONE

Going to a public restroom F- needs company M-needs solitude

Grocery Shopping F- makes a list and sticks to it M- buys everything that looks good, overloads the cart and then proceeds to Express Lane

Cats F- say they love cats M- say they love cats, but when the woman's not looking he kicks the cat

Some of these I thought of, but most were from other places. Now that I'm thinking about it maybe I should walk around with my eyelash curler for when my lil' bros get on my nerves, a sort of Little Brother Repellent. Hmm.....

Cruz

PS America is a country who produces citizens who will cross an ocean to fight for democracy, and at the same time produces citizens who won't cross the street to vote. Weird huh?

Cheer Myself Up on a Rainy Day

Not much going on here
Ugly rainy day here so I thought I'd entertain myself and lighten my mood by finding some jokes about some of the things I'm interested in, so without further ado....

Vampires....

Vampire bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in."OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him."Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked."Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy."Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

Werewolves....


Living with the Wolf Man
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely. "Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?" At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

Avain-Hybrids....

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird. ( Of course Max and the flock could give the bird )

Birdie Poem
Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly. (EWWW!)

Computers....

To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
(maybe it's just my computer?)

Boys....

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains? She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

Guys should Listen
A guy is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"The guy immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the guy rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

I know some were cheesy, but I had a good laugh.

Cruz